I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
