i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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