I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
