Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
