Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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