I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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