Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
