i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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