I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
