I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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