i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
