Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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