it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
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