Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
