i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
