those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
