i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
