I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
