Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
