well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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