she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
