it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
