The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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