can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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