Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
