somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
