i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
