your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
