You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
