i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
