I'm really into asian looking animals
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
