A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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