It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
