Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
