just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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