Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize