By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
