foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
