Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
