Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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