I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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