I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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