New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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