just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
