I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
