the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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