Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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