at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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