I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
