Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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