She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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