we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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