is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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