why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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