Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
