Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
