hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
