Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
