I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
