Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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