can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
