I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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