So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
