in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
