..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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