It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
