Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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