ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
