OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
