I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
